Epictetus and the Espresso Machine

Epictetus and the Espresso Machine: How to Accept What You Can’t Control (Like When Starbucks Is Out of Cold Foam)

There are few things more emotionally destabilizing in modern life than standing in line at Starbucks, proudly ordering your custom-crafted oat milk macchiato with one pump of hope and two pumps of childhood trauma, only to hear the barista say, “We’re out of cold foam.”

At that moment, your inner child dies a little. Your outer adult considers flipping over the seasonal mug display. But before you commit a federal crime involving hazelnut syrup, allow me to introduce you to someone who understood your pain long before cold brew was even invented.

His name is Epictetus, and unlike you (but mainly me), he did not throw a fit when life handed him an un-foamed macchiato.

This is because Epictetus was a Stoic philosopher—which means he had mastered the fine art of not freaking the hell out when things didn’t go his way. Like being exiled. Or enslaved. Or misquoted on inspirational Instagram accounts.

The Dichotomy of Control (a.k.a. You’re Not the Universe’s Coffee Order)

Stoicism teaches a concept called the Dichotomy of Control, which, in modern terms, can be summed up as:

“There are things you can control (like how many times you say ‘bro’ in a job interview), and things you can’t control (like the fact that your job interviewer is named Brody and owns a vape shop).”

When it comes to coffee-related crises, this means that you can control how you react, but you cannot control the fact that they ran out of vanilla syrup again even though you literally saw a delivery truck this morning, Brody.

What Would Epictetus Do (W.W.E.D.)?

Picture Epictetus in your local coffee shop.

He’s in line, wearing a toga and Birkenstocks. He’s been waiting 15 minutes. A woman in front of him is attempting to order a drink with an ingredients list that reads like the Geneva Convention. Then the barista looks up and says the worst five words in the English language:

“We’re out of oat milk.”

Does Epictetus rage? No.
Does he tweet angrily at the corporate overlords of Starbucks? No.
Does he unleash a Yelp review so scathing it burns the very pixels off your screen?
No.

He calmly nods, says “I’ll take it black,” and sits down to write another scroll on how inner peace is better than lactose-free milk alternatives anyway.

Real-World Stoicism: Traffic, Breakups, and Coffee Shame

Let’s apply the Stoic mindset to other modern disasters:

• Traffic: You’re stuck on the 405. Again. You can’t make the cars move. But you can put on a podcast and contemplate your small but meaningful role in the great cosmic parking lot we call existence.
• Breakups: She left you. But you still have your dignity. And also that French press she “forgot.” Which, let’s be honest, is the real prize and totally worth the initial pain.
• Coffee Shame: Your name is Epictetus. The barista hands you a cup that says “Epic Titties.” You can storm the counter, demand a refund, and shout, “I AM A RESPECTABLE MAN!” Or… you can smile knowingly, nod, and say, “Thank you. I agree. My pecs are rather nice. I’ve been doing 20(ish) push-ups every day.”

Stoic Grounds: Where Coffee Meets Calm

Here’s the thing: You’re not going to control the foam. Or the spelling of your name. Or the chaos that is life in a coffee-stained world.

But what you can control is your mindset. You can choose to laugh. To breathe. To sip.

At Stoic Grounds, we believe that philosophy isn’t just something you read. It’s something you live. Ideally with a steaming cup of single-origin insight in your hand.

Because in the end, life is like espresso: strong, unpredictable, and likely to leave a little residue. But if you learn to savor it—even when it's spelled wrong—it just might make you wiser.

And possibly… more epic.